Health Class

There was a girl who had autism  in my health class in high school  Sometimes she would get upset about things that didn't seem like a big deal. One day we had a sub and the girl got really upset about something. She wasn't screaming or anything, she was just about to cry. The sub yelled at the girl and kicked her out of the room. I thought it was mean, but idk if the teacher realized the girl had autism. Still though. Anyway it would have just been over and done with if the sub didn't turn to the class and start talking crap about the girl. She was just like "that girl has a serious problem, she is always causing trouble and I am so sick of it blah blah blah" it was so mean. And what's worse is that most of the class was being ignorant and agreeing with her. They were like "I know right she's so annoying hahaha!" She didn't even send the girl to the office or anything she just had her sit in the hallway and miss class. It got me so upset I wish I had said something to that horrible teacher but then she would have gotten me in trouble too. I had her for another class and she was like that with a lot of students. It usually was just annoying but I felt she crossed the line when she treated the girl that way and then went on talking about her to the class.

A lot of ppl were mean to that girl. She had like a mild case of autism or something because a bunch of ppl "didn't know" she was autistic and they used that as an excuse to be mean to her. But because they never like yelled at her or hit her they were never called out. But idk, I feel like someone should have called them out because sometimes the teacher sees what they do and don't say anything to the kids. Now I try to let ppl know that the girl doesn't act that way to be rude and usually ppl are like "oh I didn't know" but idk I don't feel like that's an excuse anyway.

Heavy Girl

I don't know if I want to label this as bullying, but here goes.
I have never been the healthiest weight. I've always been on the heavy side. People are always telling me to not be insecure, but I know people look at me differently. It was always sort of subtle, two skinny girls would give each other a look if I said something remotely confident, or a boy would mumble something if I mentioned dating. I always felt there was an underlying tone of "I want you to think I want you to be confident, but I'm also disgusted by you. So you shouldn't be confident." Typical "the skinny man's burden  stuff.  Any other fatties will agree with me that no matter how much a skinny person says "you're beautiful just the way you are!" what they are really saying is "I don't think you're beautiful but maybe someone will someday! Be happy for that!"
People wave it off and and act like I'm over reacting because I'm insecure, but trust me, I know when I'm being judged. I guess this is the type of thing that is never actually considered bullying, and I had come to terms with that. I mean how do you report a "look" someone gave you? So to prove my point, here is one of the more obvious circumstances.
One day I was minding my own business chatting with my friend John. John and I were really good friends and he had recently come out to me which only made our friendship grow stronger. Since no one had any idea he was gay, they immediately assumed I had a crush on him (he was very attractive) and that I was following him around like a puppy. He started telling me how people were saying I was pathetic for trying so hard and how he would always defend me but it didn't seem to help. So anyway, we were in class and one of his guy friends comes up to us and says, very loudly "John are you going out with her?!" we both responded "no" and he said "good cause I was like," he looks me up and down, "ew."
And then he just walked away with a smirk on his face like he had done good. It was humiliating and no one but John showed any sympathy for me.
I know If I had reported that to any teacher they would have maybe given the guy a talking to which would have only made things worse.
I feel bad because I just sound like a whiny fat girl, but deep down I know that's just because people have told me all my life that I'm a whiny fat girl.

The Effects of Authority

I've cried several times at school, and in all cases but one it was because of a teacher. One teacher in particular stands out to me, my fourth grade teacher Ms. Pucci. Elementary school was rough for me. I was a little weird, a mostly quiet but when I spoke I had no filter. I was deeply self conscious and didn’t have many friends. So I wasn't the most confident or happy kid. My best subject was writing, so I was excited for our poetry unit. I remember Ms. Pucci going from desk to desk reading our poems and praising each one. She picked up my paper and looked at it for a while. “It’s good enough” she said with disdain. Math, my worst subject, was even worse. When I struggled with a topic she could have told me that if I kept working hard I’d be as good as the rest of the class. Instead she treated me like a lost cause, and I was convinced that she was right. She was the teacher, and to my 4th grade mind, the teacher was always right. What she really taught me was that I shouldn't have confidence in my abilities. That if I was good at something, I was probably kidding myself, and it I was bad at something I could never improve. She knew that no one in the class really liked me, but did nothing to make me feel more liked. I still drew her pictures like everyone else, hugged her at the end of the day like everyone else, but I remember feeling every day as if I was begging for her to forget whatever it was that I did to make her dislike me. 

I was bullied in elementary school (like many people) but what stuck with me was the teacher who bullied me. Her words and actions cut especially deep because they carried authority. Ms. Pucci was the first teacher who bullied me but she wasn't the last. I've dealt with many in the past nine years. This isn't something people discuss, and it should be because it does real damage.

Sarcastic Teacher

In eighth grade, I had a math teacher who taught Algebra 1 and I was in her class. I struggled in her class and often it was hard for me to grasp new concepts that I had not dealt with before since everything was new to me. She intimidated me and was very sarcastic to the students. Although I worked hard to understand the material, it took me longer than some of the other students. At the end of the school year we had to make our high school schedules and get the math class we wanted to take approved by our current math teacher. I had checked off that I wanted to move on to 'Geometry' instead of taking 'Algebra 1' Freshman year. When I presented it to her she looked at it and laughed in my face. I'll never forget the way she looked at me and said, "Are you serious? You're just like Taylor (another girl in my class), you just don't get it. I'm not signing off on this". I wanted to cry right there. I couldn't believe she was so rude to laugh in front of me and insinuate that I was dumb. 

Later, I got back my EOG score for Algebra 1 and I had got a great score. I took Geometry anyways and got an A. In high school I got As and Bs in math but I would say things like "I'm not good at math" even though I did well. It took me a long time to realize that I was good at math but I just had to have the right teacher and the right learning style for me. Teachers should never discourage students for trying to challenge themselves and they should never compare you to another student like that. Some words like that stick with students long after they are said.

The Unpopular Kid Doesn't Deserve to be Bullied

When I was in high school there was a student that no one liked and I admit that I disliked him as well. He was made fun of a lot and I think the teachers noticed it too. One teacher used this to his advantage and would make fun of the guy as well to make the rest of the class like him. The kid would just sit there as the teacher and students laughed at him and looking back I can't imagine what that would be like if it was me. I loved that teacher and that class but I don't think it was right what he did. 

Unsolvable Problem

Unsolvable Problem
They say you shouldn’t speak ill of the dead but in this case I deem it necessary.
 Every day I would walk into class and hear, “You, go up and do number four”, calling on me each class period without fail. He knew all well that I wouldn’t know the answer to it, or even how to begin. Each class would begin the same; he would call three of four students up to do problems on the board knowing that the problems would be unsolvable for us.  Now I know he was trying to teach us how to solve an equation, but embarrassing me and others was no way to do it. The problems were not remedial or concepts we had learned in a previous class period it was all new information. There was always a student that could get one right but that was rare and hurt everyone’s self-esteem. I remember him saying on one occasion “Man, Jill you never get any of them right!” I went home crying.
I passed Algebra One with a “C”. But I learned almost nothing, failed his bogus exam and got a two on the End of Course (EOC). I still struggle with some algebraic concepts today. I wanted to get help but I was too embarrassed to ask him, knowing he was going to make fun of me. I could have gotten outside help but every time I asked I heard “Oh you have him, he will help you” or “You have him why are you struggling at all?”
I looked forward to my freshman year. No him, I started Algebra Two with a wonderful teacher, things were going well. I would see him every once and a while. He was gone a lot that year, which made me secretly happy.
He stopped me in the hall one day randomly. “I want to talk to you”. I expected the worst. “I always thought that you were a great student, that’s why I pushed you, I didn’t mean it personally I just wanted you to succeed, I know you probably hate me but you will thank me later.” I didn’t get a chance to say anything back. “Why would he put me through hell in Algebra One then say something like that in a hallway?” It weirded me out but those words meant so much to me and I wanted to thank him when I had the chance.
I never did though; He committed suicide soon after leaving me in shambles.
“Did he really mean what he said?” is a thought that come through me every once and awhile. I’m angry, confused and sad at his death. No one knows why he did it but my school mourned for months.
My friends will bring it up at from time to time sharing similar stories about him. My mom said that “He was going through a mental health emergency” and that was the cause for this. I still don’t know why he tortured me, confused me, then killed himself, but I guess I never will know.
In fact, I don’t want to know. It is not worth my time to worry about the past. It will always just be an unsolvable problem, just like the ones he would give me.

This Blog

The first step to getting rid of bullying at school is to raise awareness. Everyone knows that bullying is a problem at most schools, but people fail to realize that there are many dynamics to bullying. Students bully students, teachers bully students, teachers bully teachers, and students can even bully teachers. The issue with presenting these concepts is that they are so ignored that people often roll their eyes at them. "How can a teacher be bullied by a student, that's just dumb!" "If a teacher is bullying a student they should just fire them and get it over with." "How often does this even happen? Is it really that big of an issue?" This blog is here to help answer all of those questions, and not by bombarding you with a bunch of statistics. Here, we will be using personal anecdotes in order to observe the many ways bullying can affect a school. This is for my senior exit project, but is not the actual product. My project focuses on teachers who bully students. Once I collect enough personal anecdotes, I will make a small book which I hope make copies of and hand out around my school. You don't have to be a student to submit a story (the point is to show that these issues have been present for a long time). So if you've been out of school for a long time, still submit your story. Your story can be about you being bullied, you being the bully, or you witnessing someone being bullied. Either way, every story will be anonymous and names will be changed to protect identities. If you would like to submit a story please email it to lexishootonsubclub@hotmail.com.