Mean Girls

In middle school I moved to Charlotte and was completely afraid of making new friends. I had a hard time the first couple of weeks, but eventually befriended a group of girls that had known each other since pre-school. I was kind of fifth-wheeling but I was just glad to have people to talk to and eat with at lunch. Things were pretty cool until I noticed something strange. Whenever one friend wasn't in the room, the others would talk about her. Very Mean Girls style. They would talk about her parents, her weight, the way she talked. I couldn't help but wonder if they'd say anything about me when I wasn't there. It was so uncomfortable to be in that situation especially when the bullying escalated and they would say horrible things to her face. It wasn't until high school that I started to put myself around people that were positive and made genuine friendships. I'm thankful to not have the target of bullying in that situation, and it helped me to identify it. Since then I've tried to stay away from toxic conversations and make a stand for people who are being targeted when they're not even there.

Health Class

There was a girl who had autism  in my health class in high school  Sometimes she would get upset about things that didn't seem like a big deal. One day we had a sub and the girl got really upset about something. She wasn't screaming or anything, she was just about to cry. The sub yelled at the girl and kicked her out of the room. I thought it was mean, but idk if the teacher realized the girl had autism. Still though. Anyway it would have just been over and done with if the sub didn't turn to the class and start talking crap about the girl. She was just like "that girl has a serious problem, she is always causing trouble and I am so sick of it blah blah blah" it was so mean. And what's worse is that most of the class was being ignorant and agreeing with her. They were like "I know right she's so annoying hahaha!" She didn't even send the girl to the office or anything she just had her sit in the hallway and miss class. It got me so upset I wish I had said something to that horrible teacher but then she would have gotten me in trouble too. I had her for another class and she was like that with a lot of students. It usually was just annoying but I felt she crossed the line when she treated the girl that way and then went on talking about her to the class.

A lot of ppl were mean to that girl. She had like a mild case of autism or something because a bunch of ppl "didn't know" she was autistic and they used that as an excuse to be mean to her. But because they never like yelled at her or hit her they were never called out. But idk, I feel like someone should have called them out because sometimes the teacher sees what they do and don't say anything to the kids. Now I try to let ppl know that the girl doesn't act that way to be rude and usually ppl are like "oh I didn't know" but idk I don't feel like that's an excuse anyway.

Heavy Girl

I don't know if I want to label this as bullying, but here goes.
I have never been the healthiest weight. I've always been on the heavy side. People are always telling me to not be insecure, but I know people look at me differently. It was always sort of subtle, two skinny girls would give each other a look if I said something remotely confident, or a boy would mumble something if I mentioned dating. I always felt there was an underlying tone of "I want you to think I want you to be confident, but I'm also disgusted by you. So you shouldn't be confident." Typical "the skinny man's burden  stuff.  Any other fatties will agree with me that no matter how much a skinny person says "you're beautiful just the way you are!" what they are really saying is "I don't think you're beautiful but maybe someone will someday! Be happy for that!"
People wave it off and and act like I'm over reacting because I'm insecure, but trust me, I know when I'm being judged. I guess this is the type of thing that is never actually considered bullying, and I had come to terms with that. I mean how do you report a "look" someone gave you? So to prove my point, here is one of the more obvious circumstances.
One day I was minding my own business chatting with my friend John. John and I were really good friends and he had recently come out to me which only made our friendship grow stronger. Since no one had any idea he was gay, they immediately assumed I had a crush on him (he was very attractive) and that I was following him around like a puppy. He started telling me how people were saying I was pathetic for trying so hard and how he would always defend me but it didn't seem to help. So anyway, we were in class and one of his guy friends comes up to us and says, very loudly "John are you going out with her?!" we both responded "no" and he said "good cause I was like," he looks me up and down, "ew."
And then he just walked away with a smirk on his face like he had done good. It was humiliating and no one but John showed any sympathy for me.
I know If I had reported that to any teacher they would have maybe given the guy a talking to which would have only made things worse.
I feel bad because I just sound like a whiny fat girl, but deep down I know that's just because people have told me all my life that I'm a whiny fat girl.

The Effects of Authority

I've cried several times at school, and in all cases but one it was because of a teacher. One teacher in particular stands out to me, my fourth grade teacher Ms. Pucci. Elementary school was rough for me. I was a little weird, a mostly quiet but when I spoke I had no filter. I was deeply self conscious and didn’t have many friends. So I wasn't the most confident or happy kid. My best subject was writing, so I was excited for our poetry unit. I remember Ms. Pucci going from desk to desk reading our poems and praising each one. She picked up my paper and looked at it for a while. “It’s good enough” she said with disdain. Math, my worst subject, was even worse. When I struggled with a topic she could have told me that if I kept working hard I’d be as good as the rest of the class. Instead she treated me like a lost cause, and I was convinced that she was right. She was the teacher, and to my 4th grade mind, the teacher was always right. What she really taught me was that I shouldn't have confidence in my abilities. That if I was good at something, I was probably kidding myself, and it I was bad at something I could never improve. She knew that no one in the class really liked me, but did nothing to make me feel more liked. I still drew her pictures like everyone else, hugged her at the end of the day like everyone else, but I remember feeling every day as if I was begging for her to forget whatever it was that I did to make her dislike me. 

I was bullied in elementary school (like many people) but what stuck with me was the teacher who bullied me. Her words and actions cut especially deep because they carried authority. Ms. Pucci was the first teacher who bullied me but she wasn't the last. I've dealt with many in the past nine years. This isn't something people discuss, and it should be because it does real damage.